Note....This is the next chapter to the "Dating Those in Mid-Life Crisis" note. I have a feeling it will become a series.
Friday was to be like any other Friday. I awoke, got ready for work, took the trash to the street, and left for my short 3 mile trek to the office. My mental preparation for my day is a JAM of loud music on this 45 mph drive to the gallows. I pass the same high school kids waiting at the bus stops and make a mental note of the characters they will one day take on in my FB notes. I pass the cemetary where each day I say a prayer for all of those resting in peace. Then I turn down the short street to my side parking lot.
"Sweet Jesus. Mary, Mother of God" were the exact words I uttered this Friday morning. Coming out of the same parking lot I was entering was the white BMW that nearly took me to heaven several months ago. It was "Speester". What the hell was he doing here? I had no advance warning that I would encounter him today. Normally, I will get the annoying text that he will see me or the "Jenny, Jenny...who can I turn to" lyric on a voice mail.
Luckily for me, he was leaving. But it was 630 in the morning. What on earth was he doing there? No matter...he was leaving. And thank God, it appeared he did not see me.
I head to my office, make coffee, settle in and begin reading my email. Suddenly, a familiar scent of a heavy musk preceeds a tall, lurching figure in my doorway. It was him.
"Jenny, Jenny...who can I turn to?" is what I am hearing. My insides cringe, the Kegel exercise I was doing tightened even more, and I'm sure pure disappointment was all over my face.
I could not believe I had been blindsided by him. As much as I hate hearing from him, at least I ususally get a warning that he will be around. Not this time.
Thankfully, he only talks to me for a couple minutes and moves on to his next victim. Now I'm left to wonder how long I'll be free from his annoying presence. I go ahead and get busy, trying to take my mind off my invasion. But not for long....
He's back, and now has me blocked in the file office across the hall. He talks to me about Christmas and asks about mine. He tells me he's thinking of trading in his death chariot. Turns out he's paying over $1100 a month for it. If I'm paying that much for a car, it better come as a pair and have drivers. He then tells me how he had to pay $800 for two tires. When questioned why he already needed new tires (less than 9k miles) he adequately stated that it was due to his constant acceleration and his frequent visits to the150 mph mark.
He tells me after a drunken trip with a buddy to see the Opryland Hotel christmas lights, where he jumped a fence and topped a camel for a picture, he stopped drinking. He said he realizes that '09 was his mid-life crisis year and he's a changed man.
"I even went forward in church."
I didn't hear anything else after that comment. I almost couldn't control my inside laughter. Don't get me wrong.... I grew up in church and watched many people go to alter calls and turn their life from pure outright sin to just secretly sinning. I ain't mad at ya! It's just that all I could picture was Jesus being blindsided by "Speester" coming to the alter.
I remembered uttering "Sweet Jesus" when I was coming in the parking lot. I can only imagine Jesus now saying, "Sweet Me. What is this cat doing, fist pumping me and asking Me into his heart?"
Peace my peeps.
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating. Show all posts
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Friday, September 18, 2009
Dating those in "Mid Life Crisis"
I must admit I debated on writing this note. I don't want to make fun of anything or anyone in it but there is just too much to let go without sharing with my "faithfuls". With that disclaimer, I write...
I went on a date Thursday night. Typically I wouldn't even put something like that on FB because it's my business and not necessary to share. The things I share on here are mostly for shock value anyway...but still very TRUE (most of it).
First, I'll state the facts. I've known him for a few months and have seen him a few times. Not in the dating situation but in, I'll say, social situations. I am 37 and he is 53. His oldest son is 6 years my junior. He has two grandchildren. You ask, "why Jenny Bruce, would you go out with a 53 year old with grandchildren?". My answer, "can't get much safer than that". It's not someone I would want a very serious relationship with so absolutely no chance of getting hurt.
Act 1. The plan was to go to the hockey game with tickets that my friend, Jess, set me up with. Shout out to Jess...AWESOME SEATS! We meet up and he is driving a brand new BMW. Taking me out in a brand new ultimate driving machine?.....I ain't mad at ya! No getting hurt and he's got class? Bonus! He even let me take it for a spin. The car.
Act 2. We switch seats and pull away and he punches it. I immediately grab the "oh sh*t" handle and my feet nearly press thru the floorboard. In like 3 seconds we are at 80 mph on a road that isn't but about a mile long. "Isn't it awesome?" Uh, no. My mother has already lost one child and I don't want her to lose another!
He continues to weave in and out of traffic at speeds of more than 80 mph, hitting brakes and punching the gas until suddenly I feel sick...like having just finished a roller coaster ride or having been in the backseat of a car on a winding road. He pauses at traffic lights after they turn green so he can have enough space to floor it again before nearly having to slam on brakes to keep from hitting the car in front of us.
Act 3. We get to the parking area outside the Sommet Center (thank God) and he cautiously backs the car into a parking space, leaving space between the car next to us, who's occupant is exiting. We get out and he proceeds to urinate beside his door.
As if I haven't just started asking myself, "What the heck are you doing with this guy?" after the NASCAR race to get to where we were going......I am now asking myself how I ever thought an older man would be considered "safe". He just pissed in public!
I have never been in a situation like that where a grown person pees in a parking lot. In public. In daylight. With someone standing at the very next car. Never. Who does that?
Obviously, I am really wanting this date to end.
Act 4. We get into the building and he says "Hi".."How you doin'?"..."How's it going?"...to nearly every person we pass. He puts my arm in his and even leaned in to kiss me. I cannot ever remember feeling so awkward in my life. If I weren't with him I would swear that he was drunk.
We get to our seats and proceed to watch the game. I could hardly enjoy it knowing what I had been through to get to this point and knowing I would have to endure it to get home.
At some point during the game he wants to leave because he's hungry.
Act 5. He wants to walk to the Hard Rock Cafe to eat so we stroll the few blocks to get there. Dear friends, he was again saying "hi" to everyone and pumping fists with homeless people playing guitar for money....saying "hey brother". I wanted to crawl in a drain.
We get to the Hard Rock and it's closed for remodeling so we head back. We get to our street and again, he wants to urinate. There is a landmark guitar at the corner of the street...probably stands 6 ft tall and is about 3 ft. wide. He states to me that he can pee right there and no one would ever know. I'm thinking to myself, "if you can whip it out right here and no one know you're peeing then I probably don't have any desire to get to know you better anyway". You get my drift? ;o) As if I needed any more reason! Thank goodness he decides to hold it. No pun intended.
We stroll pass a sports grill and decide to eat. It actually was not a bad time. He had water, no drinks, so he was pretty placid. We talked about his 33 year marriage and recent divorce. We talked some about his boys. We talked sports. We ate.
Act 6. We start to head what was what I hoped "home". He again shows off is car by disregarding all traffic laws. I promise if a cop had been around he would not have been ticketed...he would have been arrested. Here we go again...punching it and slamming on brakes. 90 mph down the interstate, weaving in and out of traffic. Thank God I see our exit sign ahead. We exit and he pulls into a Holiday Inn. Say what? I may be easy but I am not this easy!
He says he wants to go listen to the lounge singer. WHAT?! Lounge Singer?? At this point I am barely keeping my "Pauline" at surface and am about to break out the "Carolyne". I was thinking, "if I were a neutron bomb I would be going off about now". We go in and listen to two young ladies sing for about an hour. Actually, they were very good and it seemed to calm me. Or that could have been the rum and pineapple juice I ordered doing its work.....
Surely you realize I am now agreeing with you....Why, Jenny Bruce, would you date a 53 year old man? I do know that he is most likely the exception and not the rule. I know a few men that age and I would be blessed to date them (if they weren't already married). Heck, a couple of them I know I would marry!
Come on....I'm 37. I had a camero at 16 and got my speed demons out of the way. I learned how to pee in a private setting, on a toilet at a very young age. And I'm not near old enough to be lounge hopping. Turns out I wasn't "safe" at all. He put my life in jeopardy more times in one night than I have in my whole life.
Moral of the story......age + nice car + money DO NOT = class. I guess there really is a thing called mid-life crisis.
Peace my peeps.
I went on a date Thursday night. Typically I wouldn't even put something like that on FB because it's my business and not necessary to share. The things I share on here are mostly for shock value anyway...but still very TRUE (most of it).
First, I'll state the facts. I've known him for a few months and have seen him a few times. Not in the dating situation but in, I'll say, social situations. I am 37 and he is 53. His oldest son is 6 years my junior. He has two grandchildren. You ask, "why Jenny Bruce, would you go out with a 53 year old with grandchildren?". My answer, "can't get much safer than that". It's not someone I would want a very serious relationship with so absolutely no chance of getting hurt.
Act 1. The plan was to go to the hockey game with tickets that my friend, Jess, set me up with. Shout out to Jess...AWESOME SEATS! We meet up and he is driving a brand new BMW. Taking me out in a brand new ultimate driving machine?.....I ain't mad at ya! No getting hurt and he's got class? Bonus! He even let me take it for a spin. The car.
Act 2. We switch seats and pull away and he punches it. I immediately grab the "oh sh*t" handle and my feet nearly press thru the floorboard. In like 3 seconds we are at 80 mph on a road that isn't but about a mile long. "Isn't it awesome?" Uh, no. My mother has already lost one child and I don't want her to lose another!
He continues to weave in and out of traffic at speeds of more than 80 mph, hitting brakes and punching the gas until suddenly I feel sick...like having just finished a roller coaster ride or having been in the backseat of a car on a winding road. He pauses at traffic lights after they turn green so he can have enough space to floor it again before nearly having to slam on brakes to keep from hitting the car in front of us.
Act 3. We get to the parking area outside the Sommet Center (thank God) and he cautiously backs the car into a parking space, leaving space between the car next to us, who's occupant is exiting. We get out and he proceeds to urinate beside his door.
As if I haven't just started asking myself, "What the heck are you doing with this guy?" after the NASCAR race to get to where we were going......I am now asking myself how I ever thought an older man would be considered "safe". He just pissed in public!
I have never been in a situation like that where a grown person pees in a parking lot. In public. In daylight. With someone standing at the very next car. Never. Who does that?
Obviously, I am really wanting this date to end.
Act 4. We get into the building and he says "Hi".."How you doin'?"..."How's it going?"...to nearly every person we pass. He puts my arm in his and even leaned in to kiss me. I cannot ever remember feeling so awkward in my life. If I weren't with him I would swear that he was drunk.
We get to our seats and proceed to watch the game. I could hardly enjoy it knowing what I had been through to get to this point and knowing I would have to endure it to get home.
At some point during the game he wants to leave because he's hungry.
Act 5. He wants to walk to the Hard Rock Cafe to eat so we stroll the few blocks to get there. Dear friends, he was again saying "hi" to everyone and pumping fists with homeless people playing guitar for money....saying "hey brother". I wanted to crawl in a drain.
We get to the Hard Rock and it's closed for remodeling so we head back. We get to our street and again, he wants to urinate. There is a landmark guitar at the corner of the street...probably stands 6 ft tall and is about 3 ft. wide. He states to me that he can pee right there and no one would ever know. I'm thinking to myself, "if you can whip it out right here and no one know you're peeing then I probably don't have any desire to get to know you better anyway". You get my drift? ;o) As if I needed any more reason! Thank goodness he decides to hold it. No pun intended.
We stroll pass a sports grill and decide to eat. It actually was not a bad time. He had water, no drinks, so he was pretty placid. We talked about his 33 year marriage and recent divorce. We talked some about his boys. We talked sports. We ate.
Act 6. We start to head what was what I hoped "home". He again shows off is car by disregarding all traffic laws. I promise if a cop had been around he would not have been ticketed...he would have been arrested. Here we go again...punching it and slamming on brakes. 90 mph down the interstate, weaving in and out of traffic. Thank God I see our exit sign ahead. We exit and he pulls into a Holiday Inn. Say what? I may be easy but I am not this easy!
He says he wants to go listen to the lounge singer. WHAT?! Lounge Singer?? At this point I am barely keeping my "Pauline" at surface and am about to break out the "Carolyne". I was thinking, "if I were a neutron bomb I would be going off about now". We go in and listen to two young ladies sing for about an hour. Actually, they were very good and it seemed to calm me. Or that could have been the rum and pineapple juice I ordered doing its work.....
Surely you realize I am now agreeing with you....Why, Jenny Bruce, would you date a 53 year old man? I do know that he is most likely the exception and not the rule. I know a few men that age and I would be blessed to date them (if they weren't already married). Heck, a couple of them I know I would marry!
Come on....I'm 37. I had a camero at 16 and got my speed demons out of the way. I learned how to pee in a private setting, on a toilet at a very young age. And I'm not near old enough to be lounge hopping. Turns out I wasn't "safe" at all. He put my life in jeopardy more times in one night than I have in my whole life.
Moral of the story......age + nice car + money DO NOT = class. I guess there really is a thing called mid-life crisis.
Peace my peeps.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
