So I'm watching my beloved Yankees tear up the Angels. I'm conflicted, though. I adored Mike Sciocia when I was younger. Oh, the crush I had on that Dodger's catcher! But now he's going against my beloved Yankees!!
Anyway, A-Rod was up to bat a minute ago and as he stepped out of the batter's box he grabbed his crotch, slightly pulled in an upward position, and stepped back in the batter's box. I giggled.
It's so common to see men in their respected sports adjusting their package. I ain't mad at ya! It's really almost normal and we don't think much of it. The producers don't say "change cameras!" when Tiger pulls at his cub....when Jevon Kearse pushes his "Freak"....when Peyton tucks at his "manning". It must be normal if A-Rod can casually step up to the plate and completely manhandle his manhood in front of 75,000 people. Do you get my point?
Not yet, you don't!
Go back to your day today. Your boss walks in to your morning meeting and takes hold of the "boys", adjusts them to his liking, and takes a seat at the head of the conference table. You look across the table at your buddies and stare in disbelief, or cough/laugh, trying to be cool about this awkward situation. But it wasn't normal, was it?
Or how about the VP of your company walking down the hall and he takes a full hand around his crotch to take away an uncomfortable feeling brought on by his tighty-whities. Approaching him are a few office women who happen to catch the sight. As high and mighty as he is, he may very well find himself sitting across from the HR guru, talking about manners.
Or for my guy readers.....a woman in the breakroom is having a "pressing" issue within her bra and starts to tug at the occupants. She casually walks past the group of men playing "Go Fish" on their break, as if she were all alone, just she and "the girls".
Now do you get my point?
I'm going to finish watching the game. I'll be willing to bet I'm gonna see more of these guys playing pocket pool before it's over. I just wanted to share my giggle.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Mammograms at the Y?
So if you keep up with me you know I am on a journey to become a plus size model. If you don't keep up with me, NO...that does not mean I am eating super sized meals topped with gravy in order to get there!
I have been devoted with my recent YMCA membership and must admit, I'm enjoying it. My workout buddy, Jess, and I attend regular water aerobics classes, sweaty treadmill sessions, and a strength training program. The physical transformation we are seeing, and will see, is going to be worth it. Heck, the eye candy is worth it...but that will be in another story.
Last night was water aerobics and then the beginning of our phase 2 strength training. We both weighed in and lost weight, which is a super plus. We did the normal fitness routine of body fat and BMI analyis, discussion of our phase 1 circuit, and decided what we would add for our phase 2. I had asked "Cutie Alan" about a machine that firms the backside...the one that you lay on your belly and pull your legs up behind you. He suggested that it was used mostly by men and one of the machines we had been using gives the same results. I asked why it was used mostly by men and he said that women felt uncomfortable laying down with their rear in the air....meaning men would just stare. I said, "Sign me up!" After all, in my mind, I have three physical things going for me.....eyes, breasts, and junk in my trunk.
After I finished my flirting with "Cutie Alan" he took Jess and I around to introduce us to our new machines. We would find out soon enough that our new program was really designed by Satan. OMG!! My body was put in some pretty compromising positions with one machine in particular. I pointed that out to "Cutie Alan" and he quickly responded with something along the lines of "that is the reason it's behind this pillar". Nearly all my parts were exposed!
The next machine felt really good on my back but when my reps were over I had to have help getting out of it. No lie. Jess had to pull me out because I was stuck in this god-awful position! It's a good thing we are able to laugh at each other during these moments.
After our introduction of the "Hades Herculean" routine it was time to do our remaining reps on our own. I get in the one that spreads my legs to an almost dislocated state...no problem. Move to the next one....I get stuck in it again. We move on down the line, easily thru the machines we had in phase 1 (but 5 lbs more weight). The last one we get to is the "chest butterfly"....a new phase 2 machine.
Neither of us are lacking in the chest area. As mentioned before, it's a gift. However, as with any gift, you have to take care of it. With this in mind, I push thru my first rep of the "chest butterfly", hardly able to finish 10, 11, and finally 12. Jess does her first rep. Time for my second rep. I get in, press the handle to make it a comfortable fit, pull the pads together, apart, together, apart......then it happened.
I heard this crash and the pads immediately SLAM together, pinning my boobs as if they were in some kind of vice. I have no idea what my face looked like but I was about to burst into tears when I said to Jess, "my girls are trapped". I couldn't get them out! Imagine, I'm sitting on this bench, my back against a pad, and my boobs are stuck in this mechanism, not allowing me to move forward.
She pulled the handle back from over my head and determined I had not locked the machine properly.
As soon as she "released" me I got out of that demon machine from hell. I think she could sense the pain I was in and repeatedly asked if I was okay. I swear if I had sat there any longer there would have been a puddle of milk on the floor....and I'm not even lactating! I can only imagine it's what a guy feels like when his "boys" are injured.
I am at the age to have had one mammogram and it wasn't a pleasant experience. This made my mammogram feel like a fondling. I'm now wondering why "Cutie Alan" was more concerned with my arse in the air and not with this machine about to "castrate" my breasts.
If I'm going to reach my goal I've got to be more careful with my goods.
Peace my peeps.
I have been devoted with my recent YMCA membership and must admit, I'm enjoying it. My workout buddy, Jess, and I attend regular water aerobics classes, sweaty treadmill sessions, and a strength training program. The physical transformation we are seeing, and will see, is going to be worth it. Heck, the eye candy is worth it...but that will be in another story.
Last night was water aerobics and then the beginning of our phase 2 strength training. We both weighed in and lost weight, which is a super plus. We did the normal fitness routine of body fat and BMI analyis, discussion of our phase 1 circuit, and decided what we would add for our phase 2. I had asked "Cutie Alan" about a machine that firms the backside...the one that you lay on your belly and pull your legs up behind you. He suggested that it was used mostly by men and one of the machines we had been using gives the same results. I asked why it was used mostly by men and he said that women felt uncomfortable laying down with their rear in the air....meaning men would just stare. I said, "Sign me up!" After all, in my mind, I have three physical things going for me.....eyes, breasts, and junk in my trunk.
After I finished my flirting with "Cutie Alan" he took Jess and I around to introduce us to our new machines. We would find out soon enough that our new program was really designed by Satan. OMG!! My body was put in some pretty compromising positions with one machine in particular. I pointed that out to "Cutie Alan" and he quickly responded with something along the lines of "that is the reason it's behind this pillar". Nearly all my parts were exposed!
The next machine felt really good on my back but when my reps were over I had to have help getting out of it. No lie. Jess had to pull me out because I was stuck in this god-awful position! It's a good thing we are able to laugh at each other during these moments.
After our introduction of the "Hades Herculean" routine it was time to do our remaining reps on our own. I get in the one that spreads my legs to an almost dislocated state...no problem. Move to the next one....I get stuck in it again. We move on down the line, easily thru the machines we had in phase 1 (but 5 lbs more weight). The last one we get to is the "chest butterfly"....a new phase 2 machine.
Neither of us are lacking in the chest area. As mentioned before, it's a gift. However, as with any gift, you have to take care of it. With this in mind, I push thru my first rep of the "chest butterfly", hardly able to finish 10, 11, and finally 12. Jess does her first rep. Time for my second rep. I get in, press the handle to make it a comfortable fit, pull the pads together, apart, together, apart......then it happened.
I heard this crash and the pads immediately SLAM together, pinning my boobs as if they were in some kind of vice. I have no idea what my face looked like but I was about to burst into tears when I said to Jess, "my girls are trapped". I couldn't get them out! Imagine, I'm sitting on this bench, my back against a pad, and my boobs are stuck in this mechanism, not allowing me to move forward.
She pulled the handle back from over my head and determined I had not locked the machine properly.
As soon as she "released" me I got out of that demon machine from hell. I think she could sense the pain I was in and repeatedly asked if I was okay. I swear if I had sat there any longer there would have been a puddle of milk on the floor....and I'm not even lactating! I can only imagine it's what a guy feels like when his "boys" are injured.
I am at the age to have had one mammogram and it wasn't a pleasant experience. This made my mammogram feel like a fondling. I'm now wondering why "Cutie Alan" was more concerned with my arse in the air and not with this machine about to "castrate" my breasts.
If I'm going to reach my goal I've got to be more careful with my goods.
Peace my peeps.
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