Blindsiding Jesus

Note....This is the next chapter to the "Dating Those in Mid-Life Crisis" note. I have a feeling it will become a series.

Friday was to be like any other Friday. I awoke, got ready for work, took the trash to the street, and left for my short 3 mile trek to the office. My mental preparation for my day is a JAM of loud music on this 45 mph drive to the gallows. I pass the same high school kids waiting at the bus stops and make a mental note of the characters they will one day take on in my FB notes. I pass the cemetary where each day I say a prayer for all of those resting in peace. Then I turn down the short street to my side parking lot.

"Sweet Jesus. Mary, Mother of God" were the exact words I uttered this Friday morning. Coming out of the same parking lot I was entering was the white BMW that nearly took me to heaven several months ago. It was "Speester". What the hell was he doing here? I had no advance warning that I would encounter him today. Normally, I will get the annoying text that he will see me or the "Jenny, Jenny...who can I turn to" lyric on a voice mail.
Luckily for me, he was leaving. But it was 630 in the morning. What on earth was he doing there? No matter...he was leaving. And thank God, it appeared he did not see me.

I head to my office, make coffee, settle in and begin reading my email. Suddenly, a familiar scent of a heavy musk preceeds a tall, lurching figure in my doorway. It was him.
"Jenny, Jenny...who can I turn to?" is what I am hearing. My insides cringe, the Kegel exercise I was doing tightened even more, and I'm sure pure disappointment was all over my face.
I could not believe I had been blindsided by him. As much as I hate hearing from him, at least I ususally get a warning that he will be around. Not this time.

Thankfully, he only talks to me for a couple minutes and moves on to his next victim. Now I'm left to wonder how long I'll be free from his annoying presence. I go ahead and get busy, trying to take my mind off my invasion. But not for long....
He's back, and now has me blocked in the file office across the hall. He talks to me about Christmas and asks about mine. He tells me he's thinking of trading in his death chariot. Turns out he's paying over $1100 a month for it. If I'm paying that much for a car, it better come as a pair and have drivers. He then tells me how he had to pay $800 for two tires. When questioned why he already needed new tires (less than 9k miles) he adequately stated that it was due to his constant acceleration and his frequent visits to the150 mph mark.

He tells me after a drunken trip with a buddy to see the Opryland Hotel christmas lights, where he jumped a fence and topped a camel for a picture, he stopped drinking. He said he realizes that '09 was his mid-life crisis year and he's a changed man.
"I even went forward in church."
I didn't hear anything else after that comment. I almost couldn't control my inside laughter. Don't get me wrong.... I grew up in church and watched many people go to alter calls and turn their life from pure outright sin to just secretly sinning. I ain't mad at ya! It's just that all I could picture was Jesus being blindsided by "Speester" coming to the alter.
I remembered uttering "Sweet Jesus" when I was coming in the parking lot. I can only imagine Jesus now saying, "Sweet Me. What is this cat doing, fist pumping me and asking Me into his heart?"

Peace my peeps.